Thursday, February 05, 2009

Flu City

I heard on the local news that a new strain of flu has been going around in the area. That must be what happened. I'm feeling much better today. What worried me was that the medicine I've been prescribed to my rheumatoid arthritis definitively lowers one's immune system. I'm pretty sure I had a close brush with death, and I may not be out of the woods yet.

The doctor at the Durham VA gave me a phone number and direct instructions to call him if I had an problems. Monday, I called and left a message to get him to call me back. I was pretty sure he would if he found out that I had called. He has called me before just after my appointment with him to see if I was taking the medicine, so I knew he wasn't averse to talking with me. I also figured it'd be a cold day in hell if he actually got my the message. That's why using the VA can be a death trap. The employees got a solid government check coming in and do what they want no matter what the doctors say.

The doctors don't make much money. They're all immigrants who take the government jobs to get cranked with their own practice in the US, so they're not gonna be there long, so the employees go along only as much as they need to until they're gone. The patients get caught in the middle of this dilemma and end up dead... and good riddance... their troubles don't stop the government checks from rolling in. Total apathy. Nobody knows or cares. No blame. The nurses appear to have the universal attitude most medicos do, "It's yo' money or yo' life."

I actually heard one of the nurses over at the Fayetteville VA state that if the veterans can't afford "a real doctor", then they deserve what they get (or don't get). This might be better than some other cultures, but I think mostly because the US is a melting pot, and prejudice is prejudice no matter where you are in the world.

I'm feeling a little sorry for myself that my house ain't properly heated. I wear the same clothes I wear to stay warm outside as I do in my house. I woke up to less than twenty degrees (-6.66 C) in my living room where my computer is, and it's only warmed up to 5-10 degrees now as it nears noon. I visited my brother next door to check with him about glucose testers he's been using lately, and he got outta bed after working most of the night, and answered the door with only his breeches on. He can walk around in his house nakid and still keep warm. I guess I was a little envious, and disappointed I've chosen to live like I live. But, only in the winter when it gets really cold like now. Being deathly ill doesn't help my attitude.

I sense that I'm getting a better grip on what Sartre writes about the homo sapien being possessed by two consciousness'. It comes down to people not recognizing the person the other thinks we are. We appear to be blind to it by convincing ourselves that everybody sees us as we think we are, that we are translucent to the other as we see ourselves. It's not true, of course, because we all project our own idea of self onto the other, and so we see the other as what we would be if we acted like them. They see us in the sa-me way.

Understanding this concept down to the bone seems necessary for me. It may be something I already know and write about, but since some doubt seems to hang around, I keep reflecting on it to see what comes up.