When a subscriber on one of the e-mail discussion groups asked the group, "Is self esteem completely self referential, or does it include feedback?", my response interested me, and so I put it here to look at occasionally.
"The persona is that which in reality one is not,
but which oneself as well as others think one is"
~ Carl Jung
Defining esteem appears to obviate it's usefulness. Which seems fairly ridiculous because such appears to position the creator of such ideated constructs smack dab between the definer and the defined. Both of which exist only in the creator's imaginator as some racy, hyped-up neurons potentially ready to drum up anything lusted for into an illusion of quasi-certainty some call knowledge.
I seem somewhat obsessed by the concept that the reason homo sapiens occupy the top of the food chain (As far as I gnow.) happened due to our superior ability for mimicry. I became who I think I exist as because I believed the view of the world that got constructed for me during my formative years.
My family seemed hysterical about teaching me to look both ways before I crossed the street. This "rule" held force even in the absence of my parents and extended to my older sisters who had already learned this rule. If I approached the street and did not look both ways they yelled at me, and grabbed my arm and yanked me silly. Then, they would drag me kicking and screaming before my parents. That usually resulted in unsavory punishment. My older sisters just loved it. By dragging me before my mother and father's kangaroo court they made sure Momma and Daddy loved them because they looked after their little brother. They swelled with pride to have helped me learned the ropes. I must have got yanked at, yelled at, and beaten dozens of ti-mes before I decided to become the sort of person who looked both ways before I crossed the street.
True, deciding to become the type of person who faithfully looks both ways before I cross the street might appear only as some insignificant glitter on the surface of the masks I made for myself as I grew my personalities by such "teamwork", but as my lovely sister-in-law likes to point out, "Inch by inch it's a cinch!"
Four and a half years later my younger brother got born, and by the ti-me he could walk I had developed a grand pomposity about knowing the home rules and the fact that he didn't. I became my older sisters just for him, and do you think he appreciates it today? NOOOOOO!!!
The odd thing about this confusing phase of my young life happened when I dragged my younger brother kicking and screaming before my parents (like had happened to me)to report his ignorance or violation of the rules, I got called a tattletale and usually me that got punished instead of him. When I tearfully asked why I didn't get patted on the head and bragged on like my sisters did, they looked at me like they would an idiot and remind me of my gender. I
"Quit bullying your little brother!" Whack!
Jeez! I just couldn't win. So, when my pubic hair showed up and that first little pearl appeared to indicate the arrival of "manhood", I decided to make my masks like I wanted to. Why would I not? A person has got to do something... don't they?
