It's not the whole of how the mind works that interests me. It may be impossible for one man over one lifetime, but if it is possible, then it is through this periperal information like what appeared in my remembering vision that can make it so. What does interest me is how can I pay attention to the comprehension occurring in the foveal and peripheral occurring simultaneously, and how could I conjure this possibility up for use at my leisure?

In other words, if these visions are occurring all the time and I simply don't know how to access them or are somehow deliberately, but unconsciously ignoring them as they show up, then I think I may be missing seemingly infinite possibilities somehow.

Presently, I am only exploring how to access the peripheral comprehension that my visions prove possible... under any circumstances. I gnow from my past experience with palm, tarot, and other occult exploratory readings that I do access this peripheral information in the presence of another person. I gnow from my visions that I can access peripheral information while alone and without the influence of the other. But, this type of accessing is far too random and haphazard to satisfy me. I am beginning to think that the comprehension of peripheral data is somehow associated with a particular aspect of the dream state.

I would like to learn how to access peripheral comprehension anytime I choose. I don't gnow if I would enjoy being forced by circumstance to have this going on all the time whether I wanted it to happen or not. In other words, if I did learn how to access the information available in the peripheral vision, would I be turning on a switch that I couldn't turn off without gnowing the possible affect it might have on my being able to pretend to a normal lifestyle? While I may be an island in regard to my projection of my self-image upon the world, I don't live on an island alone without other people around, who could possibly interpret this state as a danger to themselves and eradicate or isolate me from them for the good of the whole.

The effect of my "remembering vision" was very profound, and completely altered the way I see the world. I sense that I have to be willing to allow the information available through the peripheral focus to change me, like it did in the case of my remembering vision, and surmise that it's my refusal to change to accomodate that information that disallows referencing that information. Perhaps it has something to do with an unconscious fear that it will require the huge change my remembering vision had with me.

I continue to read a bit about eye-movement. The technical jargon, or rather my lack of it, could get in the way of total comprehension of the subject as these researchers describe it. But, reading the material still provokes a lot of interaction with my memores.

I have spent a considerable amount of time studying hypnosis in my life. I went to my first hypnosis school in my mid twenties, and my curiosity still lingers now at the age of 64.

The most interesting part of what I've read about eye-movement is the material it has dredged up in regard to the peripheral focus. This research material states that human comprehension happens mostly in the foveal focus and is present to a much lesser degree in the parafoveal focus, and least of all in the peripheral focus. And yet, my contemplations have led me to believe (for the sake of my argument) that my visions happened as a result of possessing a certain comprehension in the peripheral focus.

In the event of my most powerful vision, I "saw" it simultaneous while holding full comprehension of a Moody Blues poster that contained the lyrics of some of their songs. "Seeing" the activity of the vision took place as if it were a dream right alongside of reading the lyrics on the poster. I was aware of both at once.

This may associate with the perceived lack of volition present in deep hypnotic trance. The subject CAN act of their own volition, but in that state they don't seem to be aware of it. They sit and wait for the hypnotist to offer a suggestion, and then happily act upon whatever is offered. Once the suggestion is carried out, they return to the
waiting as if they can't think of anything else to do.

This seems to equate to the newborn state where we are taught bit by bit that we can act out of our own volition to
roll over, to crawl, to stand up, and finally to walk. Speaking seems to come the same way.

"Say momma... you can do it baby.. say momma. Come on baby...say momma for me."

The newborn is coaxed, little by little, to act and speak out of their own volition. Thus the persona is created, and at a
certain level of competence... the ego is born.

"The king is dead! Long live the King!"

This change that comes with the transference that happens with the development of the ego is very important in spiritual work and contemplation. The ego, in this case, arrives with the deep self knowledge that we can act out of our own volition. That we don't necessarily have to be coaxed out of our child-like waiting for external stimulation to speak and act. We are free to do as we will. Some call this "free will", but is it really?

While it might seem true that we do experience a certain freedom with the development of the will, our so-called "free will" is paid for incrementally as we learn to take on the careactoristics of our caregivers. What really happens is that we learn that we can imitate the world around us whenever and however we like. At this point of liberation we have learned that our instigating and empowering our will to mimic doesn't depend on the other. We can imitate them whether they like it or not. Most importantly, we intuit that they don't even know what they are doing that we are imitating. They are not self aware. Fancy that!

The spiritual problems we experience in life springs from this development. When we learn that we can act of our on volition, we learn to hold the non-volitional state of the newborn in disdain. It was the problem, and having free will is the answer. The child-like state of non-volition is relegated to a condition of unimportance, and generally ignored as not being valuable. Big mistake!

As I sit here typing away, I find myself very excited about learning what the Will is, and how it came into play in my life. I've always wondered about what the hell people were talking about when they talked or wrote about the will and free will... and now I gnow. LOL

I love writing! It exposes things about myself to myself like no other activity I have ever engaged in.

I just woke up from this dream where my old college director was making this movie that had some scenes that were being shot on a stage. At first I thought I just happened to be there visiting. I was hanging around, and then after some activity he handed me a script with somebody else's name on it. I knew the name and the guy, and so I asked Edgar what happened to him. He told me that the guy had some problems and wasn't able to be there, and so he wanted me to play that part adding that it would be a quick $300 for me, and that it would be easy enough to do. I was happy to get the part and especially the money, but I was a little confused about which part I would have in the movie because I had watched a rehearsal just previously, and didn't see the guy whose role I would be taking during the rehearsal.

There was one part of the dream where I was sitting with Edgar watching the actors practice (before I found out that
I was going to have a part in it) and talking to him about one of the actors. The cast had entered stage left in a sort of
chorus line, the cameras were rolling, and this one guy came out deliberately emoting and suddenly smiled and waved at us. The cameras were rolling and I turned and asked Edgar if his silliness wouldn't ruin the scene. He said that the actor had played the lead in The Wiz, and that he could edit the wave out. He felt lucky to have him for the movie.

About that time they took a break and we milled around a bit. I somehow knew all the actors in the and felt comfortable with them. I left the script Edgar gave me laying on the stage when we took the break along with my cigarettes. During the break I wanted to have a smoke and instead of getting my own cigarettes I decided to bum one from another actor, and in the dream, each person that was smoking said they had just run out.

As I headed to get my own pack of cigarettes Edgar announced that we were to resume shooting. I couldn't find my
cigarettes or my copy of the script he had given me. I started panicking because I suddenly realized that I hadn't even looked at the script to see what role I was playing or what lines I may have in the scene.

I knew the reason I was panicked because the same thing had happened before in a real movie I had been in. They had given me a script just like in the dream, but they didn't tell me which part I was playing, and so when I got to the
set, I had memorized the lines for the wrong character and went through some embarrassing humiliation when they announced that I was playing a different character and I didn't know the lines of the character I was really going to
portray, so in the dream I felt very insecure because I sensed I was going to suffer the same type of humiliation all over again.

I woke up from the dream in a very disconcerted mood. I lay in bed reviewing my dream for a while, and began to think about how it could be possible that I had created everything in the dream, and how real the experience had
been for me.

The content of this dream is a useful metaphor for how I view the concept of projection. For contemplation's sake, I consider that I created every character and every physical item in the dream including all the stage scenery. As I lay in bed after waking from my dream I realized that I do the same thing in real life. It's not really any different than creating a dream. I see the world around me as if what I experience is like a dream. I interpret everything I sensorily perceive as if it were a dream. Every action, every word, every plant, animal, and mineral appears to me as if they were doing and saying what I "think" the actors in my environment are doing and saying... and I act like it's what I ideate is going on in real life

The only difference between real life and a dream is that I can't control what happens as I do in lucid dreaming. To have a lucid dream I have to realize I am dreaming before I can began to redirect what I find happening in my dream to take the direction I want the dreaming scenario to go. In real life, however, I act as though what I interpret can be managed like what happens in lucid dreaming, and many times it just doesn't work out that way.

Okay, so I haven't got this description down the way I want it. But, at least I think I've found the right metaphor to
finally have a chance of writing a description that might satisfy me. Maybe that's worth getting up at four o'clock in
the morning to write this crap out.

I am really pleased the weather is changing and it's getting cooler once again. Not many things please me more than getting under warm covers to sleep. It's almost like crawling back into the womb. In more ways than one. As a child we didn't have very good heating in the series of houses we lived in. No one did. It may have been invented earlier, but it didn't come to the neighborhoods we lived in until after I had left home and joined the Navy. When we went to bed and got under the covers when it was cold, that was the only time we got warm all over our bodies all at the same time. I like for it to be cold outside of my bed. I just snuggle in deeper and it makes me feel so lovely.

There have been long periods in my life where I slept outside for weeks and months on end. To have an inside place to be with electric blankets to warm my bed up before I crawl into it is like living in the lap of luxury, and I take advantage of it. Many times I leave the doors and the windows opens so the cold will come on in. It is so much less noise when it gets cold. No motors running this and that. Silent night... wholy night.

The only thing I remember about this dream I had two nights ago was that I drove up to the window of a burger joint and selected my food by pushing some buttons. When I got to the window I didn't get what I thought I'd ordered, and so I complained that I had been given the wrong stuff.

Then, I went into another completely different scenario. That's the part I don't remember. I only remember that it was composed of an effort to distract some other and get my own way.

Suddenly, in the dream, I was back in my car outside the restaurant still fuming about not getting the right stuff. A plain-clothes cop drove up. We both got out of the car. He came up to me and asked me what was wrong. When he started feeling around my waist for a weapon I realized that the restaurant manager had called him to deal with me. I explained to him that I had merely gotten the wrong stuff, and that if they would give me what I ordered I would be happy to leave. I knew that he had not listened to a word I'd been saying. He walked off to talked to the manager of the restaurant who was located in a small building outside the restaurant.

The interesting thing to me about this dream was what really happened in between we ordering and not getting the correct order, and the arrival of the cop. It was like a completely different set of circumstances. When the cop arrived, I forgot what happened in between.

In a dream this morning I found myself back in the Navy. For some reason I got transferred from one ship to another type of ship that I had never served on. I get the impression that I had arranged this transfer through my own devices. The crew on the new ship seemed happy to see me, but I had forgotten my dress uniforms and left them on my old ship. I knew that I could not leave the new ship without dress uniforms to go on liberty or stand inspection. I was bewildered by my forgetfulness. It seemed to be an old, old story for me. I didn't have the proper dress to be completely free, and to be considered up to par to have my life inspected.

One of the most frequent mistakes I make with other people is I expect more from them than they are capable of delivering. I have a tendency to make them smart and more sophisticated than they really are, and when they don't live up to what I expected them to be capable of we both end up disappointed. Many times they realize right away that I have over estimated their talents, but go along with me because it feels good to have another think well of you and say so.

Saying nice things to people only has so much usefulness. Politeness and compliments only go so far. Wrighting and acting in such a way seems to encourage people who profess to want change, to stay the way they are, especially when their biggest complaint is that they don't particularly like the way they are and seem to expect more of themselves. If they want to move to a higher level of understanding than the level they are habituated to, playing the sycophant to their dissatisfaction is a copout. Only the person who does not fear challenging their need for acceptance as they are, can provide the motivation they need to change.