Saturday, December 27, 2003

I dreamed of something this morning that had me thinking about it being a part of the stuff I experienced in the first xxx trip I did a week ago. It had to do with eyesight and the way I saw things during that first trip. Something happens there I need to remember or reconstruct for sure. I didn't remember the dream content when I got outta bed. As far as I'm concerned, this sacrament has produced some of the most useful experience or gnowing I have encountered. I don't gnow what that means yet, but there are residuals of what I experienced with xxx that has lingered in noticeable ways. I think it has something to do with peripheral comprehension. I'm pretty sure that's what I was involved with in this morning's dreams. I'm thinking it's the kind of stuff that shows up in delta consciousness rather than the more hypnogogic REM dream material. At one point, I lay in bed zombied out. By zombied out I mean that I lay in one position without moving for a long period of time (maybe an hour in earth time). Time was obviated and all I experienced during that period introduced extra-ordinary content difficult to describe. The entire time I 'saw' no object possessed by an individual nature, but was enveloped in a misty neon haze similar to a city scene when there is fog downtown and the neon lights seem to fuse with the mist and present amazing halos in the mist that surrounds them. A glowing light. That's all I "saw" during this period.

There was something else going on. I wasn't alone.

I appeared to be having a type of conversation with my true self about my real feelings in regard to various events that transpired during my waking state. That data in waking beta is compiled to set and setting historically. What I experienced in this state was comparatively raw, undefined data, and yet it was code (hex?). This machine level language evidenced itself in this intimate conversation with my "self". I write that in full awareness that I am not a computer programmer, and I don't write computer code, and yet this seems like an apt, yet possibly erroneous metaphor. This solitary discussion had to do with detecting the concealed truth hidden behind the ordinary modality of data perceived in the sensory fashion. The socially constructed language we use is so restrictive. The conversation seemed like some sort of negotiation between the values of the 3D world of the sensory modalities, and the inherent value of the same uncompiled machine language data set. Does translation of the physical machine level code to our native language function as a compiler for raw modality input?

The sensory-perceived data appeared so flimsy, so incomplete and so unfulfilling that it performs like a rather tasty appetizer or salad without the filet mignon or dessert to finish the meal to satiation. Or, perhaps like expecting the menu itself to provide the sustanance of a consumed meal. The nature of this sacrament is definitely about... Communion. This communion took place between what I call "me" and what I call the Witness. This name-calling is totally senseless.

Something vital is ordinarily omitted during this process.

On the other hand, the fullness of the primaeval data was such that it made comprehension of logical order absolutely impossible. It came streaming at me through the foveal (societally-ordered) vision so indomitably and with such lack of restraint that I could not make heads or tails of it. Unpolarized information. Impossible to "think" about. It came at me relentlessly while I was laying there on the bed. If I picked out one section of it for analysis and froze it through polarization, the situation became inanely ridiculous. I would find myself completely out of flow and soon realize I was laying in my bed letting this sacrament have it's way with me. Subsequently, I would find myself fascinated and attracted to the flow again and thus experiencing content that could not be picked apart and reunified through it's parts. It was like an All... or no thing paradigm over which I had little power over.

These two variations of comprehension was what was being negotiated. What was at stake was a balance point of values. I couldn't "make sense" of the stream of primaeval data experienced during flow, nor could I experience flow if I attempted to "make sense" of the data by dissembling it. By "make sense" I mean to indicate some ritual of polarization, segueing into interpreting the value of the the constructed polarized opposites in the physical world system of ideation and projection.

The "balance point" exists in such a way that I could, hopefully, receive the primaeval data very briefly and then attempt to "make sense" of it briefly. Having my attention pulled into the event horizon of the source of the primaeval data queered the deal, just as easily as attempting to categorize and analyse too big a portion of it. It seemed as if I had to jump a fence to graze the grassthat was greener on the other side, and then hop back over the fence to chew it. If I took too long to graze I blew it, and if I chewed my cud too long I blew it. Like in Goldilocks and the Three Bears, my timing had to be "just right".